Absence

“Absence” is a collection of paintings exploring grief. After the loss of my cat Esther, who was my companion ever since I was a child, I felt lost and without a way to express the grief of her absence. Ruminating for months, I considered how quickly and unexpectedly she left me, and I never felt resolved. I painted to attempt expressing my feelings. One painting turned into multiple and that feeling I couldn’t pin down became clear: the pain I kept holding onto was the lack of her presence in my life. When I come home, she is no longer running to greet me. When I wake up, she isn’t licking my cheek to get me out of bed. When I eat breakfast before work, she isn’t napping in the morning sunlight. The reality that she is no longer alive sets anew in me each time I look at a picture of her. It feels hollow knowing this is the only way I will ever see her face again. These paintings are a reflection of the empty space she has left behind in my life.