Everywhere at the End of Time

If I had dementia, these are the images I believe would stick in my mind, but I would not know why. I wonder what I will remember at the end of my life and realize that it may not be the big events, but the moments that seemed inconsequential. Eventually as my mind and memories disintegrate, they would all blur together, and these paintings are glimpses into what I would recall. My paintings aim to capture the dream-like essence of a fading memory, held together by a few shades of gray and a dissolving word.

While thinking about graduating over the winter break, I stumbled upon an experimental art music album, Everywhere at the End of Time, by The Caretaker. It is about dementia, and the feelings it evoked reminded me of some of the emotions I was working through. The reminiscing of past experiences, anxiety for the current day, and the complete unknown wasteland of the future. After working around people with dementia, and discussing the topic with a friend who works with Alzheimer’s patients, I felt a new empathy for the ebbing loss of memory.

The aesthetics of my series is largely inspired by the film The Lighthouse, which I watched to distract myself from these anxieties. Instead, it made me think deeper about this issue, and the use of symmetrical, gray imagery seemed to represent my thoughts. The film’s story line of two men losing their minds in such a calm, serene setting, reflected my feelings overall. Each image is distant, foreign yet oddly familiar, and confrontational, asking the viewer “This is it. What now?”